this time from Ougadougou

From: mutamuta baruka
Reply to: muta_baruka@yahoo.fr
Date: Mar 27, 2007 12:00 PM
Subject:BUSINESS PARTNER NEEDED

THE DESK OF DR MUTA BARUKA
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER
BANK OF AFRICA.
OUAGADOUGOU,BURKINA FASO.
TOP SECRET

Dear Friend,

I am DR MUTA BARUKA, bill and exchange manager at the foreign remittance department of BANK OF AFRICA. I got your contact from the internet ,while seaching for an honest and trust worthy person, who will assist me to implement this transfer. l discovered the sum of Twenty Two million and five hundred thousand United States Dollars (USD22.5M) belonging to a deceased customer of this bank.

The fund has been lying in a suspence account without anybody coming to put claim over the money since the account owner late Mr Salla khatif from Lebanese , who was involved in the December 25Th 2003 Benin plane crash. Here is the air crash
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/index.html
The said fund is now ready for transfer to a foriegn account whose owner will be portrayed as the beneficiary and next of kin to the deceased customer of the bank. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidlines and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and I don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I therefore soliciting for your assistance to come forward as the next of kin, I have agreed that 40% of this money will be for you as the beneficiary in respect of the provision of your Account and services rendered, 55% would be for me while 5% will be for expencses incured during the cause of this transaction If the money is transferred to your Account from BANK OF AFRICA, I and my family in this transaction will proceed immediately to your country for our own share of the money.

I expect you to keep this business strictly confidential and secret as you may wish to know that I am Bank official. Be rest assured that this business is 100% riskfree on both side and every arrangement to transfer this money to the Account you are going to provide have been concluded provided we maintain the confidentiality and secreceirity involved.

1.your sex

2.your age

3.occupation

4.your nationality

5.telephone no.

I am looking forward for your prompt response.

Yours faithfully,

DR MUTA BARUKA


----

From: Saaleha Bamjee
Date: Mar 29, 2007 11:01 AM
Subject: Re: BUSINESS PARTNER NEEDED
To: muta_baruka@yahoo.fr

Dear Mutamuta Baruka,

Your name instills in me the maddening urge to put your moniker to music, something with a spicy-latin beat, like a rumba or a sexy samba. Can you hear my maraca's baby? - "boom, chicky boom chi, muta-muta, ba-ruka, boom, chicky boom, chi."

But I digress, I don't usually get people emailing me when they search the internet for terms such as honest and trustworthy. Certainly not after that misunderstanding with the orphanage lunches and my account at Prada. How much do four-year-olds need to eat anyway?

Anyhoo, the sum of Twenty Two million and Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (USD22.5M) held in a "suspence" account (i have a suspense account too. my creditors are always wondering when they'll get paid -grin-) could not have come at a better time.

However, since joining the Church of Former Day Heavenly Goody's Latter Day Rumble In The Jungle, I've learnt the path of selflessness and would prefer that the money be sent to a better cause.

Hence, I attach the details of a noble movement to which I feel all these monies be directed:

The Friends of Jacob Zuma Trust
First National Bank
Durban, South Africa
Branch Code: 221426
Cheque Account number: 62087217818


Thanking you Kindly,

Saaleha Bamjee

To My Mind...

Wish You Were Here

credit

5 things

As if to reiterate the incestuous cast/cast of the blogosphere posited here, I've being tagged by both dreamlife and Taz to list "5 things people don't know about you".

I've already quantified my weirdness.

But seriously, what don't you (you: the blog-hopper/the phantom commentateur/the one who googles hentai spaghetti) know about me? Are we (personal bloggers) not the over-revealers in this sphere that we'd otherwise avoid eye-contact with out there in the supra-http?
What more do you need to know?
Here I write my vices, the way my heart shatters and beats, the things I eat, the places I lose myself in, the people I can't digest, the dreams that are just that eyelash-breadth out of reach, mortal quirks that amuse and the consistencies of the polyfilla that holds me in.
I blog, ergo sum.

But despite this, I guess there'll always be 5 things more things you didn't know about me until now:

1. I can do cartwheels, and sometimes I spin down the office corridor on palms and feet when I work late.
2. I enjoy my vices.
3. I am as vain as I am insecure.
4. Once when I was around 9, I karaoked (sp?) to Jailhouse Rock in front of a crowd of strangers at the Rand Easter Show.
5. There are 7 things you'll never know about me. (because my mum reads this blog too)
   

I tag the fat kid who always gets picked last.

not quite the curtain call (yet)

"I had 'em Jerry. They loved me."
"And then?"
"I lost 'em. I can usually come up with one good comment during a meeting, but by the end it's buried under a pile of gaffes and bad puns."
"Showmanship, George. When you hit that high note, say goodnight and walk off."

George and Jerry, in "The Burning".

One morning in Rietvallei

Where the streets have no names...

through a portal of mattress-springs (...here be dreams)

skip around the arrogance of cauliflowers...

and the colours will not be still...

stuff your fists into your ears.

It is now that you must hear through your eyes.

---

(Elliot Mlalazi's nursery in Rietvallei ext1, West Rand, Johannesburg)

at the office...(2)

Rowena: "Guys, I saw this headline on a poster on my way to work today, 'Benny burns Bolton'. Did Benny McCarthy burn Michael Bolton?"

voices from behind

Composed: Wednesday, January 4, 2006,
Delivered: Monday, March 5, 2007

Dear FutureMe,
Unless he's in your life, he better be out of your head.

It's the feeling you get when you come across an old diary. You wonder what foreign tongue dribbled its ink in slashes and dashes here; the ascenders and descenders wiggling in sanskrit-samba on the page. You hold the paper within sticking distance of your contact lenses, as if mere proximity will decipher this marriage of rambling thought and tactility. And this for the next page and each page after.
Strange, the stranger one becomes as years tack off.
Invite a you from every year to a party, expect the room to spin with the eclectic meld of personality and characters.

And it was like this when an email from the past dropped into my gmail.
Saaleha circa early 2006.
Evidently, this chick had some issues at the time.
And when I read what "I" wrote back then, one of the voices in my head riposted, "eh?".
And the others guffawed when the memory-dam breached. "Oh. that."
(Embarrassed silence amplified in the little-monarchy-in-my-head)

And the fifty-cent epiphany:
The things we lose sleep over now, are the things we won't dream about in the future.
All will come to pass, even the issues that look set to fail us.

happy weekending

Al would ask the ladies, "Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?"
Sometimes he'd get lucky.