Chucked by the Cruywagen

While we Souf Efricans, fully appreciate the misty-eyed beauty and mastery of the entity that is The Chuck, we like our heroes like we like our biltong, homegrown and salty.
It is thus with great honour and heartful emotion that i present you with The RIAAN CRUYWAGEN.

I ripped this off from Critical View:

Riaan Cruywagen never has his back to you.....or does he? His back is in fact identical to his front except for a large conjoined twin: Tiaan Cruywagen.

Riaan Cruywagen is fluent in twenty seven of the eleven official languages.

Riaan Cruywagen knows the news before it happens.

Riaan Cruywagen had a telekinetic showdown with Johan Stemmet. After draining all of Stemmet's powers and rendering him severely retarded, he created Noot vir Noot and made Stemmet the host.

One night during an ad break on the 8 o'clock news, Riaan Cruywagen mentioned to the makeup lady that he was 'tired of this apartheid nonsense'. Nelson Mandela was freed from prison the next day.

When Sir Edmund Hillary reached the summit of Mount Everest, he was welcomed by Riaan Cruywagen, who briefly interviewed him, before wiring the information through to the SAUK.

The SAUK is actually a front for a secret society of Swiss Bankers who manipulate the world's economy, and his chaired by non other than his most Worshipful Master, Riaan Cruywagen.