Monday, November 27, 2006

on mortality

I woke up breathing. A friend died.
Claimed, as the young are of late, in a car accident.
Gray matter will not absorb this. It sinks in bursts and rejects, eyes leak in fits and starts. The young don't die. Even as I watched Mahmood driven away in that green van in 1999, I denied it then. We the living, we the living young, we the living free, it'll never happen to us. Sickness and old age, I've seen my dad and grandfathers dispatched. But youth, no, youth is forever. Youth. Delusioned, immortal youth.

And now I think of the boy who listened to the Dave Matthews Band and John Mayer, who called me Cinderella when I almost lost my shoe outside the hall at Naazia's wedding, who liked the words I used and who I promised to take out for ice cream when I got my drivers license. The one who married just this year and had all this Life laid out in front of him. I think of this boy. Ahmed. I think of him and go on living. Delusioned.


rafiq said...

Another memory that will cling onto the scar...

Hanna said...

Powerful stuff, sis.

Anonymous said...

I felt the same way a few weeks back when the notorious accident involving a mini cooper occurred a few weeks back. Delusioned with life and our existence. One of the girls who passed away was my mum's family, and although I didn't know her, I knew her father and it's tragic how people disrespected the accident scene and the memory of those who are now lost.
I'm glad you have fond memories of your friend. At least they bring a thought. Be it a smile accompanied with it or a tear.

FU said...

i'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

i thought i was invisible until i barely walked away from my car accident. now i realize morality, mortalitly, life, and death. but even then, i'm still clinging to the hope that i'm immortal and young forever.

i have 2 grey hairs.

Alienlovesecret said...

"After despair, many hopes flourish. Just as after darkness, thousands of suns open and start to shine"
- rumi

My Condolences and may you find sunshine soon :)

saaleha said...

thanks for the kindnesses guys.
being faced with your own mortality is tremendously sobering.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry about your loss. Death is always hard and as you've stated so eloquently, even harder when the person is so young.

Muhammad said...

We take everything for granted. Far too often. Did you get that withdrawn eeeling like you;re alone, butyou're not and you suddenly feel the burden of the responsibility you have as a Muslim, living... knowing that life could end at any moment, and then knowing what you need to do, what you need to accomplish, your purpose.

What else are we here for? I felt this pain too often and I feel yours now. Above all, May Allah Grant Us Understanding, patience and strength :)



Saaleha said...

Staring your own imortality in the face is scary. But it is what makes the moments of joy sweeter, dulls the ache of grief and draws one nearer to the Sublime.

zee said...

im sorry saals:(

just reading this has sent me down a painful trip down memory lane, thinking about the ones that passed away whilst we were still on campus...friends, close friends.

Profane. Profound. What's your poison?