Friday, October 17, 2008

Ennui Eyes

258.

That's how many blog posts I've pushed out since I got serious on this platform at the end of August 2005.

The sound the Most Prolific Blogger award makes is "whoosh-thik", as it clips me on the shoulder and soars past towards others worthier on my google reader.

Genesis
It was our Honours year. 2004.

Razina (now a perspicacious Fourth-Estater with the Financial Mail) and I (Jane-of-all-trades who does a bit of wordswork) skipped out of our Journalism Theory class, our heads full of Anton Harber-isms and this Blogging thing. 

Off to the post-grad computer labs to get in on the action and become the cyber-bastions of Truth, the wwwatchdogs of the State, the free voices giving voice to the voiceless, wadda wadda, all that stuff you write for the entrance applications.

The first blog I ever really got into was written by Reza in Canada. "Musing Over The Ontological Status of a Boiled Egg". With a title like that, sure, it's gonna grab me by my metaphorical cajones. It's defunct now, but you can still go through his archives. Brilliant stuff.

While setting up my blogger account, I stared at the hulking grey servers making fresh pasta of the data cables, and I thought, "Hmm...you know what, that looks a lot like electric spaghetti..."

I'm now a blogger!! k3wl!!
My first few posts were hardly the stuff of killer citizen journalism we were creaming ourselves over in class. A kitschy poem that rhymed (yeah, I used to do those) and a list of words I found interesting (I recall flocculent, being one of them). You could tell I was farting fairy dust at the time.

And blogging bored me. Mostly because no one read me (what did I know of link-baiting and comment-whoring then. I thought that if I built it, Google would make them come). So I left it to die a slow, stinky death.


The becoming.
Then this guy decided to turn his weekly Randeree-roundup email into a series of  blogposts. Suddenly, my blog was up on his link list, it was being read. I should've been elated right? Instead, I was horrified that friends and strangers would be reading the twaddle. I deleted everything, and put up a little spring-clean notice. It was time to decide what the blog should become. 
A space for me to write to keep the rust away.

And you know the rest
Personal observations. Me, without too much me. Rare bits of social commentary. Travel stories. Ad-jamming. Obscurities. Little things I do in Photoshop and InDesign. Fun with 419-ers. Monologues. Trying to be a bit clever and fancy with the words. Amusements. A real salmagundi, the phenotype of what it's like in my head sometimes.

Ennui eyes?
It could be due to my current frustrations career-wise, that I find this blogging thing iffy and blehsome of late. I'm easily annoyed at people who poo-poo ponitificate all over the place (and I've used that term in conversation with at least two friends so far). I'm irritated by the judgements I see cast, the idiocy that gets the approved sticker from quality control and an undiscerning audience. I can't stand the sheer amount of inane convoluted verbiage (and I use that word ironically) that's out there. 
I don't want to feed into this.
I wasn't always like this. This critical, this angsty.
So I guess, I'm saying I'm just tired and a little jaded.
And maybe I need to eat more soya beans.

14 comments:

Dew_drops said...

saaleha I always read your blog with my mouth a bit open (not spaghetti related) but just because you write and express yourself so damn well.
recently as you know, I took a bit of a bloggin break. I was tired, jaded as you put it. And some of it was to do with what I was reading. So many opinions. So many judgments. So many ...just so many. And since I find it difficult to express the words in my head onto blog, I couldn't express what I wanted to say. because I myself,wasn't sure what I wanted to say and I didn't want jusdgment, critscom, assumption, all these human things we are prone to do. So I kept my noise out of things. I stepped out. I cleared my head. I took a break. And I feel better for it.
What I want to say is, thankyou for expressing succiently a little of what i have been trying to express.
Jaded comes and goes. But expressing whats inside. Thats forever. Dont be jaded. But take a break to lift your head out and breathe a little. Thats my little advice.

Azra said...

You know I believe that theres a fine line between expressing yourself and feeding into the whole frenzy. Like I mentioned to someone earlier...we are all guilty of judging...and to accuse someone of pre-judging is a judgement within itself.

I think people in general (and I'm guilty at times too) become too engrossed and take everything too personally. We should just take it for what it is...its running commentary, its recreational, its fun, its opinionated and all these other things...

But at the core, all it really is is a facet or a thread in the fabric of society. In the greater scheme of things, it means nothing. Everyone will have their own views and opinions regardless...

I say we should think of things that are more poignant...like reflecting on ones own mortality...puts things into perspective (but not in a depressing way)...

It is what it is, so what? Healthy debating is fine...but there are boundaries. People are just too ready to start wars over petty things. Maybe because we're all genetically programmed to fight for survival (our ancestors went to battle often) and we're not going to war, so we act retarded and fight with our keyboards.

Sofi said...

>>oo-poo ponitificate

loved that word when you first used it!!

dont let others induce this jadedness..you have alot of followers, i'm sure they admire your blogs for not being the butt end of the thing you aired your issues on. xxxxx

M Junaid said...

:)
Intrigued.
I remember telling you a few days ago how i'v noticed a marked difference in your blog recently.
Thanks for being the inspiration.
Now- if only you'd get rid of the fucking word verification. I feel dyslexic each time i try

Anonymous said...

dont feel jaded we luv u blogs.. ppl are always ready to judge n comment. but dont let that get to u.. please by nature are judgemental

Dew_drops said...

Sigh. I shake my head in shame at my awful spelling. I'm almost tempted to delete that post.

Aasia said...

There was a trend, i jumped o the bandwagon - I am ashamed.

But you're right!

There isn't a lot of substance in most posts these days

By the way, if I could have just 10% of your writing skills, I would be a better writer by far!

blackolives said...

You are a blogging rockstar!!
With your clever twist on words & mindblowing sentence structure, I could only hope to be that good at writing someday.
(I rarely comment :o and I can't believe I just praised your sentence structure)

Isn't it also ironic that initially the problem was not having anyone commenting on your posts - and now it's that some commentators are all inyourface judgy? Try not to focus on those twits, and I'm sure it's true that for every negative comment there are at least 9 intelligent responses.
:)

bb_aisha said...

I go through periodic episodes of jadedness. And then I also feel irritated by everything I read-for no real reason-& I stop commenting & stop blogging.

Before I used to comment on every post of other bloggers-now I only do so for posts I relate to. Yes readers who comment make one's blog 3D but one doesn't have to pander out of guilt to every blogger.

ppo-poo pontificate-love it!

FiveReflections said...

"the zephyr and i" is full of YOU, keep it going forever.

'for when the Wind whispers...

...And live, and laugh, smile and sleep.'



Saaleha B-J:
thank you for sharing - nuff said!

ExMi said...

SBM.

dude. i can feel your angst. it's almost like teenager-angst.

dont stop writing. ever. even if everyone else is writing crap, yours is still eloquent and verbiose in exactly the *right* way.

so dont stop, okay?

Bilal said...

ooh, u linked me in this post!! wow, now i'm going to be a famous blogger too:)

zahed said...

saaleha - decided to pop in, say hello and take in some of that creativity you seem to exhale...i really need some...have no clue what to do with that blog of mine...i try and pretend it doesnt exist but that little voice at the back of my head keeps on blabbering on...

As always, a great read - hope u well

ciao..

btw...u are officially my only reader/viewer now...;))))))

PS: im 2 lazy to logoff and logon using my alias so gonna post this as is

Fatima said...

Ah the history of Electric Spaghetti.
I clicked on a link and it led me here.
I'm glad I did that as it brought so much more into my life.

Thank you Saaleha :D

I deleted my blog, tried to create a new one, but it's just not fun anymore.
I think the anonymous twats out there somewhere must be having a celebratory feast or something...lol

Profane. Profound. What's your poison?