friday consumerisms

Special #3: this one got me cracking. Cobra Paak. Bite your tongue. heh heh. well ok, if you dont speak a language from the indo-pak subcontinent, the typo is lost on you and it's not really that funny.

With the peeling paint-scales, take-away greasy wood-steel-glass display counters and cloudy-glass fronted refrigerators still bearing the “Groovy” soft-drink brand circa 1960, it’s apparent that the proprietors of Mansoor’s Sweetmeats have never allowed a feng shui consultant to step through the doors of the corner café. But they do make the best Jalebi in the city, which is why we found ourselves queuing for the freshly fried orange-indulgent-syrupy-luscious-dipped sweetmeat on a Friday afternoon in frantic Fordsburg.

This dress spoke to me at Off The Catwalk in Mayfair. Each little sequin had a shiny pouty mouth that trilled, "uber-celeb...trés bon chic bon genre...you will look so hot in this...".
I didn't buy it. Where could I possibly go wearing what looks like pretty-rainbow-vomit? I'd be overdressed as a wedding guest and since Daniel Craig hasn't been returning my calls, I won't be coyly dodging papparazzi at any A-list parties soon. Sigh.

2006 - The Retrospective (revisited)

I begin to fold up 365 days. I catalogue tokens, tickets and stubs marking experientials, things I did (and didn't) along with habits I failed (and the ones that failed me). I put these into piles; Discard and Memento. Some of these will carry me into the years that proceed (Allah willing), some will drag water. I must choose wisely, the things to keep and that which will lay bare to the sun on the scrapheap.

And what will I write in black marker on this box before I pack it away?

“This is the year;
I signed off weekdays from 8am-5pm.
I allowed gym fees to debit my bank account.
I passed my drivers license test.
I sang with Robbie Williams.
I bought a car.
I moved house.
I changed towns.
I loved.
I lost. (and my heart cracked) {but how else would I have known it's strength?}
I found that while i am averse to boiling bunnies, I make a damn good stalker.
I went to the Grahamstown Arts Festival.
I found a pebble shaped like a heart on a beach in PE.
I made mistakes. And they know who they are.
I blogged.
I said goodbye.
I became a little more cynical.
I became a little more hopeful.
I lost friends, kindred spirits, soulmates.
I found friends, kindred spirits, soulmates.
I read.
I went to the Live concert.
I laughed.
I cried.
I cried.
I laughed.
I lost sleep.
I overslept.
I worked hard.
I slacked off.
I lied.
I walked.
I wrote some poetry.
I made a list of things to do.
I went to Capetown.
I went to Kimberley.
I went to Mafikeng.
I went to Bloemfontein.
I parallel parked.
I went to the movies alone.
I smiled.
I started using Mxit.
I watched a movie being made.
I questioned my mental well-being.
I realised that everyone else is as fucked-up, if not more so.
I met a few local celebrities.
I had some fun with 419-scammers.
I watched Saul Williams and Suheir Hammad as they punched holes in my spirit's complacency with their spoken word.
I cut my hair.
I took more pictures.
I went on blind dates.
I acted with cowardice on one occasion.
I figured out how to deep-etch an image in Photoshop.
I learnt how to use Quark Express and Scribus.
I asked a stranger her name.
I attended crazy x's walimah.
I met my doppelganger in cyberspace.
I went to the Eid Gah.
I found out some bitter self-truths.
I discovered my strengths.
I listened as Leila Khaled spoke of her vision.
I laughed at George Galloway's barbs when he spoke at Wits.
I became my worst enemy.
I became my best friend.
I got lost.
I found a way.
I hacked mp3s using google.
I was quoted in the Mail & Guardian.
I dreamt in music.
I shared in a friend's grief.
I shared in a friend's joy.
I learnt.”

Boxing Day (for Daddy)

One more year has passed
With him insubstantial,
Buried under now seventeen anniversaries of resignation,
And the mantra Allah Has A Plan
And there's a damn good reason why
I was given six nothing years
To know of the man

Who I see everyday
In my eyes
My nose of too much character
My dented chin.

One more year has passed,
With him substantial,
Buried under now seventeen anniversaries of definition,
And the slow steady work of
Walking through smoke of when
I was given six nebulous years
To know of the man

More with death than with life
And the spaces between
Who left me with Ludlums,
And a Bob Marley tie.

music to drive by...

...would be anything by Smashing Pumpkins, Counting Crows, Placebo, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Coldplay, Live, The Killers, Finger Eleven, Linkin Park, Fort Minor, The Offspring, Gorillaz, Faithless, Kasabian, Santana, Eric Clapton, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Jason Mraz and other of the genre ilk. If I'm so inclined, I may even spin some House.

But there are some other raggedy patches of sound that make up the decoupage of stuff that have moulded a mindset and defined my era (while at times borrowing from other eras).
A sound-byte from the (in-exhaustible) playlist of my cheated generation follows:

Come Undone - Duran Duran

Tainted Love - Soft Cell/Marilyn Manson cover/Depeche Mode cover

Speed Of Pain - Marilyn Manson

Karma Police - Radiohead

Wish I Didn't Miss You Anymore - Angie Stone

I Don't Wanna Be Lonely No More - Rob Thomas

High - Lighthouse Family

If I Ever Feel Better - Phoenix

Days Go By - Dirty Vegas

Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2

Zombie - The Cranberries

Song 2 - Blur

Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve

Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis

Telling Stories - Tracy Chapman

Sexy Results - Death From Above 1979

Where Is My Mind - Pixies

I Heard It Through The Grapevine - Marvin Gaye

Erase & Rewind - The Cardigans

Wicked Game – Chris Isaak

Chuck E’s In Love – Lisa Coppola

Everything For Free – K’s Choice

Bright Lights – Matchbox 20

You and I and I – Matchbox 20

Blister In the Sun – Violent Femmes

Torn – Natalie Imbruglia

Seven Nation Army – The White Stripes

Click Click Boom – Saliva

Carmen Queasy – Skunk Anansie

Hanging By A Moment – Lifehouse

Not An Addict – K’s Choice

All I Want Is Everything – Def Leppard

The Places You Come To Fear The Most – Dashboard Confessional

Control – Puddle of Mudd

Celebrity Skin – Hole

Nobody’s Wife – Anouk

Adrienne – The Calling

The Hell Song – Sum41

Local Boy In The Photograph – Stereophonics

Fade – Staind

My Favourite Mistake – Sheryl Crow

Firestarter – Prodigy

My Happiness – Powderfinger

She Loves Me Not – Papa Roach

Don’t Speak – No Doubt

Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana

Nothing Else Matters – Metallica

3AM – Matchbox20

Behind Blue Eyes – Limp Bizkit

Only God Knows – Kid Rock

Drive – Incubus

Slide – Goo Goo Dolls

Androgyny – Garbage

Haemorrhage – Fuel

Imaginary – Evanescence

God Be With You – Cranberries

Lovefool – Cardigans

Like A Stone – Audioslave

You Oughtta Know – Alanis Morisette

Crazy – Aerosmith

Loser – Three Doors Down

Duck and Run – Three Doors Down

Addat – Atif Aslam

Think My Dad’s Gone Crazy – Eminem

Aicha – Outlandish

Upside Down – Bare Naked Ladies

Imagine – John Lennon

Brown-eyed Girl – Van Morrisson

Everything I Own – Bread

Could You Be Loved – Bob Marley

Show Must Go On – Queen

Faith – George Michael

Freshmen – The Verve Pipe

First Cut Is The Deepest – Cat Stevens

Early Morning – A-Ha

Big In Japan – Alphaville

Bad Moon Rising – Creedance Clear Water Revival

Blowing In the Wind – Bob Dylan

Things Have Changed – Bob Dylan

Total Eclipse Of The Heart – Bonnie Tyler

Breakfast At Tiffany’s – Deep Blue Something

Brick In The Wall – Pink Floyd

Don’t Dream Its Over – Crowded House

Hotel California – Eagles

Sweet Dreams – Eurythmics

Hazard – Richard Marx

Material Girl – Madonna

I Love To Hate You – Erasure

Stuck In The Middle With You – Stealers Wheel

Volcano – Damien Rice

Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews

Enjoy The Silence – Depeche Mode

Who Makes You Feel – Dido

I’m Still Standing – Elton John

She Fades Away – Alphaville

May It Be – Enya

Layla (Acoustic) – Eric Clapton

Give Me The Night – George Benson

Give A Little Bit – Supertramp

Nobody Loves You – John Lennon

All Dressed Up In Dreams – The 6ths

I’m The Man Who Murdered Love – XTC

I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams – Weezer

Island In The Sun – Weezer

The Denial Twist – White Stripes

Alive With Pleasure – Viva Voce

Out Of My Mind – James Blunt

Urban Romance – Matt York

Dirty Diana – Michael Jackson

Don’t Know Why – Norah Jones

In The Air Tonight – Phil Collins

The Great Beyond – REM

Angel – Sarah McLachlan

Russians – Sting

Head Over Heels – Tears For Fear

Wild World – Cat Stevens

Shape Of My Heart – Sting

More Than This – 10 000 Maniacs

Hands – Jewel

King of Sorrow – Sade

Sex and Candy – Marcy Playground

Missing – Everything But The Girl

Seed – The Roots

Sunrise – Simply Red

Kiss Me – Six Pence None The Richer

To The Moon And Back – Savage Garden

Immortality – Celine Dion with the Bee Gees

Mad World – Michael Andrews ft. Gary Jules

Drop Dead Beautiful – Six Was Nine

Light My Fire – UB40

Teardrop – Massive Attack

Bem Bem Maria – Gypsy Kings

Drifting Away – Faithless

You Give Me Something – Jamiroquai

Kiss From a Rose – Seal

This Side Of Me - Savage Garden

Everytime I Close My Eyes – Babyface

Baghdad Night – Naseer Shamma

Only This Moment – Royksopp

Lost – Roger Sanchez

Aint No Sunshine - Van Morrison

War In Me - Kenna

Lust For Life - Iggy Pop

Moondance - Van Morrison

Free As A Bird - The Beatles

Rappers Delight - Sugar Hill Gang

You Can Call Me Al - Paul Simon

She Says - Milke

Breathe Me - Sia

Home - Michael Bublé

Music Sounds Better With You - Stardust

If You Tolerate This - Manic Street Preachers

Nothing Compares - Sinead O' Connor

Afternoons and Coffespoons - Crash Test Dummies

I Think God Can Explain - Splender

Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds

Evolution Revolution Love - Tricky

They - Jem

Summer Sun - Texas

Caught In A Hustle - Immortal Technique

Greatest Mistake - Handsome Boy Modeling School


...


and the riff goes on.

Thank you for listening.

Scenes from Cité, Dunkeld West, Johannesburg

The sofa Rowena dubbed "orgasmic".

A stripey wall effort, strategically placed next to the bar. I'm guessing this will provide patrons who've imbibed one too many Cité Coolers with hours of "yellow submarine/lucy in the sky " burlesque wonderment.

Stating the obvious: Their interesting wrought iron door.

The Cucumber Mousse with Caviar starter (summer-creamy meld that held well with the cucumber, offset by the subtle snap of the caviar).

Mains was a Tomato Soup with Cumin and Coriander (dhana-jeeru addition brought on a soothing reminiscence of home and a tongue-pleasing combination of sweet and spice) with a Passion Fruit Mousse for dessert (like an oral inhalation of a smoothly flavoured cloud, thrillingly airy) .
I recommend their Chocolate Gateau too (with all the quality of swoonish oh-my-almighty-Deity-this-is-so-damn-good).

And to end off my foray into the domain of the gourmand, an almost God-Shot, capped by a perfect crema, like sunshine caught in porcelain.

stealing from giants

When your fingers can't quite reach a mood-velvet sky to grasp at stars, you've got to learn to make your own (even if its from the foil top of a yoghurt tub).

The Infinite Monkey Theorem

Before the simians bang out Beowulf, they decided to try a practice run.

Silly Season

I gots the 419... (4)

From: Sami Deckman (samideckmann@aim.com)
Date: Dec 11, 2006 7:35 PM
Subject: GOOD DAY TO YOU

Compliments of the Day!!


I am Mr.Sami Deckman former staff of Ministry of Tourism presently undergoing medical Treatment for cancer. I am the only surviving son of late Mr. Jeff Deckmann who worked with National Petroleum Corporation for many years as a contract enginer before he died in the year 2002 during the Ivorian political crisis,when his car was ambushed by a mob and he, my mother and my little sister were mobbed to death.

Since the death I decided to devort my life to God and the work of God. When my late Father was alive he deposited the sum of $1.5Million which was an upfront mobilisation payment for an onshore engineering contract awarded to him during the military regime. Gen.Robert Guei with one Bank in Europe.

But,as the regime collapsed and with the death of my father, the money has remained unclaimed.And i have been suffering from cancer,recently my doctor told me that my condition has worsened and i may not survive unless by special grace of God though what disturbs me most is that I am diagnosed to be having spinal abnormality.

For this I decided to donate the fund to a church or better still a God fearing individual that will use it for positive investment of which the profit will be used to support orphanage homes, widows and propagating the word of God,also to help me secure medical treatment in the western world were my illness can be better managed,after the funds might have been successfully transfered to you,if i am still alive.

I took this decision because I don't have children that will inherit this money and my relatives are not Christians and had been maltreating me with the only motive to take away our properties including the funds hence I don't want my father's hard earned money to be misused by this unbelievers. I therefore request you to accept this proposal and help me to achieve my heart desire.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the lord one day. If you will be of assistance, I will surely appreciate and thank you for your kindness in giving me this help.

Thanks,

Sami Deckman

---

From: Saaleha
To: Sami Deckman
Date: Dec 12, 2006 3:49 PM
Subject: Re: GOOD DAY TO YOU

Dearest Sami Deckman,

And compliments of the day to you Deckman! You're certainly a brave little soldier, quite chipper for a poor sod with cancer. Please accept my sympathies for the truly tragic and pathetic life station you are currently boarded at.

I am, however not a Christian. I follow the Protocols of The Temple of Former Day Chicken-Spring (wah-wah-good-stuff-higgledy-hey). I have 'devorted' my life to the Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo).

To follow in the Path of Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo) is to follow the path of Righteousness and Light. For centuries, our faith has been dumbed down by popular churches who offer Sunday night Bingo and free booze and crackers. Many once-fervent believers have been waylaid by these temptations and have lost the Path. May Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo) cluck upon them kindly and with great mercy. You see, even barbecue-bound sinners are redeemed by Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo)'s wings.

The Path of Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo) is the Path of Truth. Why else would everything taste like chicken? It is all in Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo)'s Great Wisdom and Final Plan.

Question: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Answer: "To get to the other side."
(excerpt from Book IIIVI of Good-Licking Fingers (Seventh Treatise) - Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goos)'s Good Eggs)

Could the Truth be given any more clarity? The Other Side? Yes, Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo) is clear!

Save yourself brother!! Especially now in your final days!! Become one with Chicken, for the redemption of your poor oblivious sinner's soul!!

BBQ-best wishes to you, May my humble efforts succeed in showing you the TRUE PATH.

wah-wah-good-stuff-piggeldy-poop greetings,

Saaleha.

P.S The Temple is undergoing renovations and your $1.5Million will go a long way in assisting us with the construction of the giant fibreglass representation of the head of Great Chicken (wah-wah-goody-goo).

I make Ad-Jam...(1)

The Conception: Inspired by the forthcoming release of the movie Blood Diamond
The Execution: Layout - Adobe InDesign, Graphic - Google Images